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Foreigners, Portland

Being helpful

05.20.08 | 1 Comment

Mrs The Fyd was born and raised in Hawaii.  Not only is this a foreign country, it is also a foreign clime and the torpor thus generated has led its culture to develop on a different track from that of the North American continent.  It would be vulgar to state that their version of the English language has become bastardized, and to declare it a pidgin might be considered condescending and require one to attend sensitivity training.  So let us just posit that it is a frank demotic useful for the tasks of sugar-cane cutting and coconut harvesting and hula dancing (Mrs The Fyd is a long-time student of that primitive art), and the charming idioms of its provenance that creep into Mrs’ speech rarely fail to provoke a smile on my face.  Mrs recognizes this indulgence and is grateful for my patient forbearance and my willingness to guide her toward proper speech.  However, like many of her kind, she can be stubborn and resistant to progress.  Recently she has refused the right path and insists that “pointer finger” (how rude) is an appropriate substitute for that digit we all know as the “index finger”.  She has tried to sway me by supplying example after example of that crass phrasing in popular discourse.  I contend that the rantings of hip-hop starlets and middle-school Chomskyites are not infallible precursors of rational language change, and I will refrain from their vulgate.  I have no doubt that the masses delight in such deviancy, but you won’t find that finger up the Queen’s bum.

Sunday, whilst perusing the funny pages, I reluctantly passed an eye over the Wizard of Id.  I doubt that the phrase’s conquest of that particular forum guarantees its future acceptance by learned folks.  So, Mrs, Parker and Hart are the last goddamned people I would bring to your defense and I warn you that you bring yourself into disrepute by associating with such types.

Speaking of sweltering climes, I’m sure that the temperature dropping from 96 on the weekend to 59 today cannot be good for the inner ear.  It will be good for everything else in Portland, though one might suspect that the throngs of Obama supporters will still appear to be addled by heat.

With regard to presidential candidates, I find keeping this concept in mind to be useful.

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